Tag Archives: transformation

Chasing that innocent bliss

As I have previously written, I’ve made alot of changes in my life over the last few years – the catalyst being the sudden death of my father in 2008. The more I have learnt, the more changes I have made – to my physical life, mental state and spiritual energy. Improvement after improvement has seen me grow more and more and become who I am today. I am proud of myself and my achievements, but there is just something still going on that hasn’t allowed for me to completely let go and to be 100% happy, I don’t get that “bliss” feeling nearly as much as I think I should be. I know its very hard to be 100% happy (and note when I just wrote that 100% I accidentally wrote $100!! hmmm…thats definitely a sign, and another story! ha!) – there is always something we want to change/do/become in order to find our bliss  – but personally, I just don’t think its real. I don’t think happiness is a place, certainly not a place to stay. This is the trap I have found myself in, always striving to make changes so I can be happy. What I am finally wrapping my head around though, is that happiness is not a destination – it’s just a fleeting feeling in that moment, much like all the others.
Don’t get me wrong, I am far from depressed. I’m comfortable in my own skin. I have so much to be grateful for, and I am. I may not show my gratefulness all the time, but I truly am blessed and I know it. The problem is that when I reflect on my past, I was “happy” then too…just a different kind of happy. I had an ignorant happiness. I felt more carefree, relaxed and had more stereotypical fun, didn’t take life too seriously. I wasn’t as wild as some of my peers, but I was my own version of wild. Its true, perhaps it comes with “growing up” that the fun changes, or that as you grow as a person, you grow out of your old self…. but I must admit, at times I do miss her, I miss the ignorant life a little. It’s a little selfish, I know. Although I don’t quite think thats the right way to put it….
Since making alot of the positive changes I have increased my knowledge and understanding of more world issues, as well as made alot of personal development – but with all that, I have found there are some negitives to knowing the things I do. The more I learn, the more I know about certain subjects – parenthood, diet, climate change, animal welfare, spirituality….the more I learn, the harder it is to go back to that time when I knew much less, but was that kind of happy, an ignorant happy. The stuff I have now seen, I cannot un-see. Yes, its made me stronger. No I would never want to not be the person I am today, but man…..does it make life more challenging at times!
The old saying “Ignorance is bliss” has literally been dancing around in my head for a few months….it pops in and out of my consciousness as if it were wanting me to address it. So here I am! Now, I don’t particularly like the saying, but its extremely relevant in my life right now. The saying can be used as a way of people to remain being kept in the dark about certain things, and that not knowing something is a better place to be. An excuse of sorts. I agree, it probably is in some instances. The love of your life is cheating on you, and you don’t know (or don’t want to know); The red meat consumed multiple times a day by some people is causing their body more harm than good, but a high protein diet is ‘good for you’ so its not given a further thought. Ignorance IS a kind of bliss, but it still means you don’t know and don’t choose to know – which is something I find really hard to grasp. Why doesn’t anyone WANT to know? Being ignorant means to have a lack of knowledge or awareness; to be uneducated or unlearned – why do so many choose to lead their lives this way? I am finding it harder and harder to sympathise with people who decide to live their lives in complete darkness. Punch in and out of work they hate, waste their money on detrimental substances and services and then pass this same un-educated blind lifestyle onto their own children. I know I shouldn’t dwell on how others live their lives, it is their journey, that is their truth – but I just wish we could all evolve a little quicker, they are lagging behind!
I am a self-confessed “know it all” or “knower”…. I know a little about alot. I always want to know more. I am always wanting to stretch my knowledge in many different aspects, always asking questions or researching something until I know enough that I have made my mind up about it and can then move on. With that, comes an ever growing conscious – one that is tested much more than it once was. Now that I know more, I feel a bigger sense of responsibility, like I am carrying the worlds problems on my shoulders at times. Burdened by the reality of our existence, heavy right? I feel immense guilt if I dwell too long in the supermarket, staring at the wall after wall of processed health-ruining food-like substances, the government do nothing, the advertises do nothing, the doctors do nothing – they all keep the population from taking their blinkers off from seeing the world the way it truly is. When I see people with trollies full of meat, dairy, soft drink and junk food, I cannot help but feel for them, their families and sink deeper into a headspace of utter grief and despair. I want to do so much, I feel a huge sense of responsibility as a human on this planet. The earth is our home. I feel a huge sense of duty to speak for the ones who cannot speak, to speak my truth as I know it. I have made a lot of changes, some of which I don’t like, for the greater good. For the big picture. YES, sometimes I do want to eat a piece of salmon, or smoke a cigarette – but I won’t because then all this work I have done will be jeopardised, and nothing is more important to me than my journey, and the positive impact it has on our beautiful planet. I want my children to be proud of me, and this place, and to not feel the way I do, or even see what I have. The thing I don’t understand, is why doesn’t everyone feel this way? Will a time come when everyone stops and sees that nothing is more important? not their greed, tastes, desires or lifestyle?
Speaking of children, again, since I have learnt much more about parenting, parenthood and raising children – I am constantly tested and reminded just of this old “happy” me who used to work in a childcare centre, warming bottles of formula for the babies and toddlers in my care, putting them to sleep in their cots or beds and playing with them on the playground. Back then, I had absolutely NO knowledge about the types of parenting, about children’s diets or anything much at all! I had no idea what kind of parent I would be either. It did not phase me to raise my voice at these little innocent beings, feed them their un-nutritious foods or to punish them when they were being “naughty”. Now, I am embarrassed for myself. THAT kind of ignorance may have been bliss for me, I enjoyed my workdays and got so much out of working with children…..but what gets me now is the consequences of my ignorance. Have any of the children in my care been negatively affected by my interactions with them in their early development? Could I have done more to be a positive parent-like role model for these beautiful little people? If I had known what I do now, could I have changed their lives for the better? all of these answers I will never know.
Ignorance is bliss…. for the ignorant.  thats what the saying should be changed to. The lack of knowledge keeps the knowledge keeper in a “happy” place, but what are the consequences of this selfish act? If you choose to be ignorant, you are selfish. You are saying to the universe that its ok to live a lie, to ignore your intuition, that anyone can take advantage of you and your precious gift of life and that its ok to live at the lower spectrum of evolution. You are teaching your children that its ok for someone else to tell you how to live your life, to settle for less. The ripple effect can be catastrophic. So many others are effected by our selfish actions, sometimes we just don’t see it until we have to finally face the consequences. Knowledge is power, knowledge is the key to us ever evolving.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that this big, daunting word “HAPPY” needs to be taken less seriously. Let it come, let it go. I have found that new things make me happy now, and they are a far cry from past happy feelings….like going to the health food store and finding a new vegan dessert, designing a really cool logo, watching an awesome doco on juice fasting or watching my son giggle at his daddy reads him his favourite book. They are my new “bliss” feelings. They all take me to my happy place.
In reflection, perhaps its truly the INNOCENCE I miss, not the IGNORANCE. I miss that blissfully unaware feeling I had when I would down 10 rum and cokes and chain smoke all night long, but that was me being ignorant and their are consequences to those actions. The school dances where we could dress in theme and dance the night away with our friends….that is the stuff I miss, the innocence. I have to accept that those days are past, but new ones are coming and will always continue to. My son’s own innocence is already helping to teach me to stop taking on so much of the world’s issues, and to live in the moment, with him, my world. By acknowledging the feeling that innocent bliss gives me, I am showing others what the true happiness is; and perhaps that is all I can be doing now to help inspire others to ditch their ignorant blisses and to find it in the more uncorrupted, pure form of the word. To laugh at the little things, to let go and feel those innocent feelings again, with, and through my son. Then perhaps those other uneducated choices might begin to seem less important. Here’s hoping :)
Right, thats enough rambling for today. I’m off to jump through the sprinkler or something.
Love, light and bliss
Sarah xox

Breaking old habits

As some of you know, I’m currently doing my best to overhaul the way I live. Breaking the 27 years of old habits which I have reflected on, and feel are doing more harm than good. This is not an easy process, I have good days, and bad. I know a lot of people who have reached around the same point and age of their lives and realised we are no longer as young, carefree and resilient as we once were. Nor are we as stupid. The days of weekend benders on alcapops, 2 packets of benson and hedges ‘subtle’ chain smoked, the taxi home via maccas feast at 3am, followed by the huge KFC hung over feed at lunchtime the next day. Each work day I would usually buy my lunch, processed carbs (usually a fair few hot chips) and soft drink consumed most days. I was lucky if I ate a salad once a month. I was also popping panadol almost daily due to constant headaches and had severe migraines monlthy for years. Just the thought of that actually makes me feel sick. This abuse happened for years! YEARS! Gosh I have some work to undo.

Party. Party. Party. Repeat.

As mentioned in my first blog post, becoming vegetarian I guess has set the pace for me with my health transformation. I am so passionate about animal rights and now I actually walk the walk, I had to prove to myself that I could be a good one. A bad vegetarian just makes us all look bad! So since Jan 2011, I’ve made it a personal challenge of mine to transform my health, so I didn’t end up a 50-something with cancer like my father.
I’m certainly not done transforming, I have a lot of things to still change, by looking back to just those last couple of years as a bit of a progress report with myself I can see some great significant changes have occurred. At my heaviest, I would say I was around 80kgs. Not obese, but definitely overweight for my height. (This doesn’t include being pregnant, obviously!). From memory, I was this heavy the year after my dad passed away and I was living on my own alot as my boyfriend was working away in the army. Plenty of emotional and lazy eating going on! Might I also confess at times I had/have been a ‘secret eater’ – doing a sneaky drive thru stop here and there to get my fix. A dirty, dirty habit that I don’t know I have really ever admitted to, until now. Anyway, with the new vegetarian lifestyle, no more softdrink, much less dairy, sugar,alcohol drinking, less fast food and more active lifestyle I begun to retrain myself with foods and I’m now weighing in around 15kgs lighter than my heaviest weight, and that’s not with much exercise going on! (But will note I am still breast feeding on demand which I think has contributed to me burning more calories over the last few months).

I don’t have the best reference photos, but you can definitely tell which Sarah is healthier and happier 😉

During my pregnancy I was petrified that my child would end up like me. I ate next to nothing as a child. I was a picky eater my entire childhood. The only food memories I have are of constantly eating chips, apples, vegemite, bread and junk food etc. We would have spaghetti  bolognese every Sunday night, and I would eat plain pasta with tomato sauce! My parents tried and tried, but nothing would make me add things to my diet. In my teens, high sugar, high processed everything. The only fruit I ate was apple. The only vegetable was potato. The first green thing I added to my diet was lettuce, somewhere in my early teens. I had/have a complex about textures in my mouth. If it has a funny consistency, is ‘bitty’ or just unfamiliar – it wouldn’t even come near me. This haunted me for years… And still does… I would always get told ‘ what happens when a boy want a to take you out on a first date! – you can’t just order chips!’. Ha! As if I cared then? I always knew deep down that I wouldn’t always be like that, but until then I was going to happily eat my chip sandwiches and wash it back with coke. It definitely would take some hard work to break that cycle.
I read somewhere that our taste buds change roughly every 7 years, which makes a lot of sense – and luckily for me, that means a big change at 28 next year will give me another push to extending my food repertoire. So from the age 14-21, was probably my most damaging 7 year stint diet wise, 21-28 has seen a transition from old to new food habits and over those years, I have come a long way. Things that aren’t given much thought by most people, have really helped me to progress with my transformation. I have pushed myself to try at least a few new things every so often, and now alot of them are finally encorporated into my diet. Things like corn on the cob (only started this one about a year ago!), spinach, mushrooms, quinoa, pumpkin, nuts, berries etc have only been introduced into my diet slowly in the last 7 year cycle, and I’m still trying new things when I have the courage. I’m really interested into working out the psychology of this kind of ‘condition’ (if any of my readers can lead me in the right direction on how I can work on this food block – please private message me!)  but glad that I can now finally take more risks with food and to be able to eat like a pretty normal person!

Never thought I could eat something like this!

My new found passion for whole foods is taking me on a bit of a journey regarding healing my past food issues, and not too long ago I researched juice fasting and it’s benefits. When I was pregnant, I bought my first juicer as a good way to finally be able to give my body and my growing baby more nutrients. Some said its a waste of money, they are a bitch to clean (yes, yes they are) and most people go through a juicing phase and then it’s shoved into the back of for cupboard until the next generation digs her out. Not me. Surprisingly, I enjoyed it so much that I was juicing pretty much everyday of my pregnancy and felt simply amazing. I definitely missed it when I didn’t have it, and could feel a huge change in my body. I was glowing on the outside (also because I was cooking a kid) but also could feel my insides screaming ‘what is this?!? Where have you been all my life!!!!’. It’s like liquid gold.
There is definitely a need for everyone to juice at some stage of their lives. This is   not referring to fruit juices we find in the shops. That stuff is by no means healthy….I’m talking fresh fruit and vegetables juiced at home. Yes, the fibre is removed, but all the nutrients are then in liquid form for your cells to absorb without much digestion. Instead of me typing it all out, check out these pics which cover alot of the benefits:

It makes so much sense to me to be able to drink my fruit and vegetables, as I know it’s still an uphill battle for me to want to eat them. Anyway, so back to the juice fasting. I was reading up on it, as fasting is known for its amazing ability to heal the body. Juice and water fasting is curing many illnesses, diseases and improving the health of 1000’s of people. Saving lives.

The idea of fasting (not eating any food for a set period of time) is that our bodies spend a lot of its energy digesting the foods we eat. It is constantly working to break down the last meal you ate. It never gets a chance to do matenence anywhere because we are constantly eating large meals. The amazing thing is that when you take the food out of the equation, what does the body do with all that excess energy? It finds things to do. Your body literally gets an RDO and finds all those odd jobs to do around the home. It flushes all the bad toxins out of your body, it finds blockages, bacteria even parasites and finally gets around to getting rid of them – the body now has the time to dedicate to the things that are no good! This means detox. The body goes through a big spring clean, and you will definitely know about it!
I had to try one. All those years of abuse had to mean I was carrying around some serious crap! I will do another post about my first fast experience over the next few days, it was pretty eye opening. And awesome. Lets just say I’m pretty hooked on the idea and plan to do many more over the years to get my body feeling and performing how it should.
Now with my old habits slowly deminishing, I’m becoming alot clearer in my mind, body and spirit and everything just seems to be falling into place. I can honestly say that it’s like my body was a poisoned, stagnant pond with no sign of life, living life like a sheeple and now the flood gates have opened, flushed out the poisons and there is a full river flowing with little Eco systems growing! Ha! I owe it all to one little movie, (Earthlings) to which I will be eternally greatful. I’m doing this not only for myself, but for my children and for our planet. I was always pretty cold/ emotionless/strong/switched off to alot of sensitive issues throughout the years of my poison diet, but since cleaning up my act my sensitivities have emerged and I am now one of the more compassionate people I know! I don’t have extreme mood swings, I cry when I need to and I let go of alot of the dead emotional and negative weight that used to drag me into alot of controversial situations. I have learnt to be more open minded, less juddemental and to always try and see the positives in all situations.
It’s so amazing to be able to reflect on how emotions and diet are linked. It truly is all connected. As a reflection, I’ve just admitted to some pretty scary truths, right? So come on – what’s your diet secret? What’s your old habit you want to kick or have already kicked? Maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper and see why you do it and come up with a positive way to improve it. Big change won’t happen over night, but one small step could be the catalyst for an amazing transformation.
Love, light and hot chips
Sarah xox