This week I have felt considerably more ‘weak’ emotionally. Could possibly be the fact that I’ve spent over 3 weeks (minus a weekend visit) on my own raising our son in a new town, been unpacking and trying to set up our house on my own, cook, clean, look after a sick dog, we have had no Internet connection for a month and only got it set up today (happy dance) and I’m just a little bit over it all, really. Mumma needs a break. *cue violins*
I have been left alone with my own company for far too long, and I’m well and truly over listening to the crap that streams through my head every moment, of every day. The last few days I have noticed alot more negative internal dialog going on. I don’t usually have much, but when I do, I can be a real bitch to myself. Too much ‘me’ time has led me to hosting my own little pity party up in here… No body loves me, no body is talking to me, no body cares how I am, no body cares about what I do for them, blah blah blah. Then it’s – get over yourself, your not better than anyone else, you are getting no where, your a fraud etc etc. really horrible stuff, right? I don’t particularly dwell on the words, they just pass through at moments of weakness. It’s like my aura is a bit damaged from a few less than desirable situations occurring, so the negative energy knows when to strike. Like a bird of prey. Self sabotage is a bitch. It’s something we all deal with, we are our own biggest critics. You think you look fat, when others think you are glowing and wow your hair style really suits you. It’s alot easier to truly ‘hear’ the negatives than to hear the positives. We all get compliments all the time, but they are never enough. Why? Because you don’t believe them yourself. If your internal dialog is negative, that’s all you pick up – like attracts like, or in this case, dislike.
So I’ve decided to take a stand before I manifest a migraine or a burnt hand or a fight with a loved one. I’ve written myself a letter of love. If I have felt unappreciated, unloved then yes, that’s what I am I guess. So I’m going to change it myself, I can’t expect others to do that for me, to help me to flip the script on my internal dialog and bring back the love. I’m my own biggest fan, after all. Love will attract love, so I’m positive that this self indulgent task might infact bring some more love into my life…here’s hoping!
I’m going to share it with you so it’s out there – I’m not going to be modest and coy, I’m just going to put the love for myself out there.
I want you to know just how truly amazing you are. I’ve watch you blossom from a social little chameleon to a fully aware, inspiring and powerful woman and mother wolf. Your abilities to adapt in environments that others would never survive, is a remarkable trait which also showcases your true souls purpose. Something you yourself would never have thought you could ever handle, yet you have far exceeded your own expectations on all levels.
Even though you sometimes feel lost, overwhelmed or unloved, always know that you have so much love around you, you must always remember to actually see it. This love will always show you the way. Your white light shines bright over your path, trust that it will always guide you in the right direction.
I ask that you please slow down, breath and enjoy the life you have created. You have a beautiful son who worships you, a family who will always be there for you and loves you unconditionally, a partner who loves and supports everything you do and a network of amazing friends and beyond who need you in their lives, for you are what helps to make them whole, as they do for you.
Take the time to celebrate what you have achieved and always remember the best is yet to come. You are an inspiring soul, beautiful inside and out and loved by all who take the time to understand you.
Thank you for always wanting to improve your life and the lives of others, thank you for the time and energy you spend in working towards the things you truly believe in, thank you for providing such a nurturing, natural and positive environment in which your children can grow. Thank you for sacrificing your time and energy and abilities to earn an income in order to raise another beautiful soul like your own.
Continue to share your love and passion and only love and passion will follow. Everything you do comes straight from the heart, which is something I really admire in you. Keep on sowing your seeds, and watch your beautiful harvest flourish. Your abilities to learn, grow and move forward from both negative and positive situations and always remain grounded is beautiful gift. Cherish it.
You are doing an amazing job and I am extremely proud of you. If it wasn’t for you, a lot of people wouldn’t exist in the way that they do now.
Your biggest fan,
So there. It’s out there. I’m loving myself sick. So what.
I feel better already!
Feeling unloved and a bit down? Maybe it’s time you did the same for yourself? You might get some more love back in return… AND you don’t have to blog about it, it’s your own little secret 😉
Love, light and letters