This post is dedicated to my dad Bruce, Jess’ mum Sharyn and all the beautiful souls who have now left their bodies and minds to rest.
Jess, I want to take this opportunity to give my thanks to you for being so brave, inspiring and courageous. To lose your mum is one thing, but to have it happen as a public figure, in the health and wellness industry is another. I want you to know that we all hear what isn’t being said. We, at the end of the day – all want what is best for ourselves, and our families. I have heard you speak your truth in person, and I felt your soul. I don’t see you as anything other than a woman living her truth. As was your mum, I’m positive. This blog post is for you because I just felt the need to share it with you. Deep down I felt you needed to read this message. So, here it is, for you, and anyone else who is struggling with a physical loss.
The end of October saw 5 years past the death of my father, Bruce.
I have blogged about this before and sorry to anyone who finds it hard (or annoying) to hear me write about him time and time again, but for anyone who has lost someone they love, you would understand that everyone grieves in different ways, and although each day is another day after their death, it doesn’t mean the loss goes further away, too.
Last month, I saw that Jess Ainscough publicly announced that she too has suffered a loss recently. Jess lost her dear mother to breast cancer.
The Big ‘c bomb’ is a hell of a dis-ease; and whilst majority of sufferers fight like hell to survive it, sometimes the bomb just detonates. It seems unfair, unwarranted and just plain unjustified some times. We have all been affected by it in some way, no?
On the 5th anniversary of my fathers death I wrote a Facebook status to him thanking him for my gift of life, but also thanking him for giving my brother and I the gift of awareness, to which he passed onto us as his soul left his body, unbeknownst to us at the time. It could be, that perhaps in hindsight, one of his purposes’ in life was to give us this gift.
It took me a while to accept this, but he knew he was going to die that day. He knew his soul was ready to move on. As hard as that is to acknowledge, I now know that he was ready to go, and had made peace with that fact, that day. He even told me he was….he actually said to me “i’m going to die”…. I just did the whole “don’t be stupid, your fine!” thing. I didn’t know how profoundly he was speaking, that day – that he knew his soul was ready to go.
A fortnight ago, I had (funnily enough) been reading a chapter in my favourite book ‘Conversations with God’ about death. It’s like the final piece of the puzzle for me, and now I feel I’m at complete peace with the lose of my dad and I want to share this with anyone who has lost someone they love. To tell you some things to help you feel more accepting of the circumstances around this loss.
I used to think I feared death, like most of us understandably would. After seeing it from this point of view, I feel more comforted believing that all of us die how our soul intends, and it is only the fact that modern medicine has taught us to fear it because it means you failed at healing, you failed at surviving or failed at living right – that we harbour such fear. This then feeds into our loved ones, who see dying as a massive disaster, sheer despair and disbelief. Great loss. What could we have done to help? Were we providing enough support? What if we had tried this or that method, would they still be here today? I have had these exact thoughts for years. Now I see it differently, and know that he went exactly the way his soul had intended. His body had served his souls purpose. Nothing was going to save him, because his soul didn’t need to be saved. ” Only to the soul is death a relief – a release”.
Some excerpts from the book that I would love to share:
The greatest gift you can give the dying is to let them die in peace – not think they must “hang on” or continue to suffer. so this is very often what has happened in the case of the man who says he’s going to live, believe’s he’s going to live, even prays to live: that at the soul level, he has “changed his mind”. It is time now to drop the body to free the soul for other pursuits. When the soul makes this decision, nothing the body does can change it. Nothing the mind thinks can alter it. It is at the moment of death that we learn who, in the body-mind-soul triumvirate, is running things. All your life you think you are your body. Some of the time you think you are your mind. It is at the time of your death that you find out who you really are.
There are times when the body and mind are just not listening to the soul, this too creates the scenario of when seemingly healthy, fighting, strong people still pass on. The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul. It happens often that the soul makes a decision that it is time to leave the body. The body and the mind (servants to the soul) – hear this, and the process of extrication begins. Yet the mind (ego) doesn’t want to accept. after all, this is the end of its existence. So it instructs the body to resist death. This the body does gladly, since it too does not want to die. The body and mind (ego) receive great encouragement, great praise from the outside world – the world of its creation. So the strategy is confirmed.
At this point, everything depends on how badly the soul wants to leave. If there is no great urgency here, the soul may say “Alright, you win. I’ll stick around with you a little longer”. But if the soul is very clear that staying does not serve its higher agenda – that there is no further way it can evolve through this body – the soul is going to leave, and nothing will stop it – nor should anything try to.
The soul is very clear that its purpose is evolution. That is its sole purpose, and soul purpose. It is not concerned with the achievements of the body or the development of the mind, these are meaningless to the soul. The soul is also clear that there is no great tragedy involved in leaving the body, in many ways, the tragedy is being in the body.
Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God.
I now see that each of us – within our souls – already know when our time will be up. We all leave our bodies behind at exactly the right time. I know that is a really hard concept to grasp. I’m still trying to grasp it myself. It’s a huge topic of discussion, but this has helped me to understand why things happen, terrible, devastating, awful things. It also helps the ones who are “left behind” to feel more at peace, which in turn helps them to heal and continue their own souls purpose.
My dads soul has taught me to connect with mine, to listen, to understand and to ask those crazy questions. My dad’s soul left his body because it no longer served him in this life. It learnt what it needed, achieved what it wanted and learnt all it needed to know. It’s now moved onto the next, and I for one am so excited for my dads next soul adventure!
Ever since he passed, I’ve noticed a particular bird species – the Willie Wagtail around me all the time. They have followed me from Sydney, to Brisbane and now Townsville. I don’t know why, but since dad passed over I always thought as soon as I saw one that they remind me of him. Their is usually only one or two, and they wave their little tails around at me, dancing around in the grass or low in the bushes – as if to say ‘ hi darling! I’m having such fun again’ they are cheeky, extroverted and always put a smile on my face. I feel this is my dads spirit having a dance, having a laugh and seeing the cheer again, and helping me to remember to always do the same. He was always such a boisterous man, he had an infectious laugh. I mean, look at this fella? doesn’t he just look like such a character?!
I stumbled upon another blog post that the True Activist Facebook page posted about a palliative nurses’ reflection on the 5 most common regrets the people in her care had told her. I would like to share this, because I feel it works well back into my above story, regarding how at the end, we all truly know what we want, we know our spirit, its just that a lot of us don’t listen, because we do everything for everyone else, first. The top 5 comments made were:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
You can find the full article here.
These have really hit home to me. Right now, I’m in my late 20’s – I have so much life to look forward to. I feel a sense of comfort in knowing I will not have these same regrets that these beautiful soul’s did on their final days in their physical bodies. I thank them for giving us the gift of being able to connect with our inner most desires, NOW. TODAY. We all have this precious gift, we just have to listen, and then live it.
I’m sure if my dad was here today (and Jess’ mum too) that they would tell us that we are both exactly where we need to be, and that we will always be ok. After all, we have some pretty amazing angels watching over us now.
To anyone who has lost someone, I hope this has helped you the way it helped me. And maybe, JUST maybe this was a message from them to you that you were waiting to receive.
Love, light & soul journeys,