Category Archives: LOVE + EMOTIONS

Breakdowns & breakthroughs

breakthrough.jpgThe last few weeks have been a roller coaster of spiritual, emotional, physical and mental breakdowns and breakthroughs.

I’ve had some of the highest and lowest days on record.

I’m writing this on a plane, on my trip from Townsville to Brisbane where I will be attending my aunties funeral for the day. This morning (amongst the sadder thoughts) I thought ‘yes! I will actually have some down time today to read a book on the plane, I have so many I want to read – which one do I take?’

I chose this. The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks.

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No idea why (at the time) I had 3 others in my hand that were all more spiritual and deep things, but I thought – no. That’s not what I need today. Give me something powerful, straight forward and BIG.

Well, I’m about half way in and the message is already abundantly clear. This book is all about reaching your upper limits of joy and basically how we have conditioned ourselves to self sabotage our joy, happiness and success.

Here’s what I’m talking about in action.

Cue a couple of Fridays ago. I was on an absolute high; I was led to a really key part of my marketing direction for The Fifth Element Life and I spent hours just submerging myself in new information and direction. I was high on life and felt a huge sense of comfort in knowing that something big was just on the horizon, I could feel it. This coincided with me finding a new friend here who walks a similar path to me who has also answered a lot of my calls out to the universe for support, sisterhood, clarity, friendship and fun! She even led me to the hip hop dance classes I had been searching for and craving for months (years).

So this Friday night was special. We had set up my sons bike cart and we took our first bike ride to the farmers markets! A huge dream of mine was now finally fulfilled!

Here we are on our first ride together!

Here we are on our first ride together!

Then was my first dance class, moving my body and mind the way it had been craving for ages. I came home to a clearer mind and discovered some amazingness for my business. This is how the elements work. When they are finally all in harmony, magic happens. I was finally filling the void of moving my body, perusing my passion for dance (all fire element stuff) and syncronocity was prevailing.

Then Saturday came. In the span of a matter of hours I was informed that my aunty (dads sister) had taken a turn for the worse and was in hospital (she had been re diagnosed with cancer two weeks prior). She had only a matter of days left (possibly hours) in her physical body. The fact that this was happening was devastating enough as it was; but to put into perspective for myself – it dug up all those same emotions and experiences on the day I lost my own dad two weeks after he was re-diagnosed with cancer and passed in an eerily similar manor. I was reliving that day again and I felt for my cousins who were about to embark on that same journey too.

As if that wasn’t enough bad news; in a separate incident, another aunt (mums side) was in a freak accident and fractured/broke 20+ bones in her back, ribs and shoulder.

What the fuck is this, universe?! How is it that I have come from such a high to the ultimate low in a matter of hours?

(please note: I’m not saying that these things are all about me, they are unrelated to an extent but what I’m coming to realise is that if it wasn’t this, it would have been something else. I do believe there is power in the collective thought so we draw these things/events to us subconsciously.)

The week following was very hard. I lost my aunty to cancer (rest in peace earth angel) and I allowed myself to go back to those memories of my father and truly feel what I was feeling. I reached out to my community, since I live away from most of my loved ones it was the only way to get through.

I allowed my days to flow into the next, without expectations, without goals or direction. It was what I needed.

In true Sarah form I was asking why was this happening? Why can’t I just enjoy my successes and happiness for longer than an hour or so?

According to this book, it was because I wasn’t allowing it to be possible. Somewhere deep down, I’m saying to myself that I am not worthy of that feeling for extended periods of time. **The big leap is now educating me on how to break through this and change these thought patterns**

So then as is the circle of life, I went another 180 and by Friday I was starting to get back to that ‘normal-ness’ I knew and went on my family bike ride to the markets and did my second hip hop dance class. Here we go, I’m coming back! I say to myself.

Cue self sabotage: I pull my groin muscle. I can barely do the routine and every time we go through it it gets worse. Cheers, body. Now I can’t twerkit. (Seriously…..twerking injury).

I wake up Saturday morning. My groin muscle is fine. Message received. That was just a cheeky mind game last night.

Saturday night: It all falls into place. I’m laying in bed, I can’t switch off. It’s 1am, and I have the ‘ah-ha’ moment. Wow. Everything becomes so clear; it was all there in front of me but I had to be patient and trust this process; which I had been practicing all week in my down time. Allowing myself to just be in the moment, honor my feelings and just know that everything would eventually pan out. I allowed this shift to occur and all of these puzzle pieces to magically come together when they were ready.

3am Sunday: I’ve got a whole page of notes in my phone, I’ve got two huge business breakthroughs and most importantly now I know the best way to market my vision. Holy shit batman. Life’s about to get real!

Fast forward to me in this moment. on the plane about to attend my aunties funeral and I know today will be hard and I am accepting and open to this day.

Trusting the ebbs and flows of my life now are much more clear. Trying to push something out that is not ready to eventuate, trying to pressure myself to make magic happen has done me no good. I must just focus on the flow and feel accordingly.

Creativity and emotional expression (water element) = √ check

Passion and movement/action/desire (fire element) = √ check

Mind stimulation/powerful thought and strength (air element) = √ check

Reconnection with nature, nurturing self and allowing abundance (earth element) = √ check

Listening to my intuition, following my spirit cues and trusting my vision (spirit element) = √ check!

It’s all connected. To eat my own words ‘Everything is connected and anything is possible’ – the last few weeks have been a perfect example of this. You neglect one element of your life, in favour of another. You show great success/passion/joy for one area and have been taught that that feeling can’t possibly be felt in other aspects of your life. You can’t have it all. Well, guess what. You can. That’s all bullshit. Those limitations? Don’t exist.

You can have the career you want, the home you want, the love you want, the family you want, the friends you want, the passion you want, the body you want and the lifestyle you want. All together. At the same time. You can feel joy, happiness and bliss for longer periods of time than an hour or so you have always given yourself in the past. I’m learning now that I’ve been self sabotaging for far too long and the real work to be done is not in busting my ass to build my empire, whilst being a doting mum, partner etc etc, it’t just breaking down my own perceptions of myself and telling myself I am worthy. I am allowed to have everything I want.

Big stuff, right?

So even though it’s been a super hard few weeks, I’m coming out of the other side with a new perception of my world.

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BOOM.

Love, light & breakdowns

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Creating boundaries to avoid energy depletion (or complete mental breakdown)

panda.jpgAs a newly notified empathic person, the last few months I’ve been working on acknowledging this big part of myself – and with the acknowledgement has come more conscious management.

The more I’ve become aware, the more it’s taken on a life of it’s own – inevitably allowing for my energy levels to reach an all time low, leaving me feeling like a shell of who I actually am. Spiritual violation at its finest.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with anyone else but myself. Truth is, I haven’t taken the time to learn how to spiritually protect myself and my sensitivities – it’s all well and good to have the best intentions, direction, drive, healing abilities, wisdom, clarity and compassion – but I’ve learnt today that these things are no good if you have no energy to drive them properly.

I’ve simply taken on so many tasks, projects, ideas, thoughts and business opportunities whilst also inviting many people into my personal ‘zone’ online that I’ve completely blurred the lines of what is me and what is not me.

Not only do I have all these things going on externally, but I’ve also got a million other emotions and noise from others swirling around internally, too.

Again, I know a lot of my friends, readers and fellow fifth element lifers are thinking ‘shit, is she talking about me?!’ – but no babe, it’s honestly not you, it’s me. It’s me because I never set myself clear boundaries. I never asked myself ‘do you really need to do this now’ or ‘is this worth your energy?’ Or ‘do you have enough to give right now?’ – I never took the time to check in with myself and just say, well ya know what? Maybe you don’t need to nominate yourself for that task/job/idea/request – maybe instead of saying ‘yes’ and getting caught up in the emotion of it all, you need to stop and check in with the mother ship BEFORE you act. Basically, I need to learn the art of saying no.

Being a ‘yes’ woman is all I know. I love it, I honestly do. It brings me so much joy when someone asks me for guidance/advice/help/healing – I know this is my purpose so therefore it is ALWAYS welcome and ALWAYS ok for anyone to associate me with these things. What isn’t ok is that I kept emptying my tank to fill up others, but never allowed it to be filled up again. I feel like over the last few months I’ve just been running on the smell of an oily rag and now I’ve pulled over on the side of the road, 5km from the nearest petrol station with no cash, no battery on my phone and a toddler who’s already trying to Houdini his way out of the car seat straps. I’ve just pulled up short and left myself in a bit of a pickle with a long walk ahead.

Funnily enough, today when I was feeling very overwhelmed emotionally, I noticed a blog post from Renee Longworth titled “how to give and not burn out” and it stopped me in my tracks. You know how much I love a good sign from the universe, and this was no exception. Renee is so amazing at what she does and after reading this post I felt like she had written it just for me. Her spirit knew my spirit was suffering, and this gift was just what I needed to see the light and pull me back out of that dark place. (Thank you Renee, your life force helped me reacquaint with mine).

So after that symphony of violins, I’ve decided to take some action and already started energetically implementing them. I want to share them with you so that next time you feel like you’ve run out of gas, you can remember how crazy ol’ Sarah saved herself from complete spiritual disempowerment and possible mental breakdown.

1. Claiming back my space. I’ve made some clearer boundaries for myself, especially in the social media world. I’ve decided to do the next best thing to completely deleting Facebook and begun reducing my friend hoarding. This also includes private groups (I literally think I got to about 30 groups before I realised what I had done), page likes (2000 of the bastards) and friends I’ve networked with through various groups and things. Whilst I have nothing against any of these things or these amazing people (they have actually been quite helpful since I have a huge online presence and have only a handful of friends in the flesh where I live) but my problem is I just had too many, way too much of one thing and not enough of another. When my tank was getting low, I just kept filling the void with more of the same thing that was depleting it. Giving and giving and giving and not taking enough to balance it back out. Now I’m working on having a beautiful balance of private/personal space and amazing/interactive kindred spirit style space, here on my website and on my business social media platforms. Having a refuge from ‘what I do’ will help me to just disengage and retreat when I need to.

and you know your always going to be one of my unicorn sisters, right?

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2. Follow Renee’s advice in the link I shared above and imagining your life force above you that feeds you your energy, and when giving in anyway to another you simply remember they have their OWN energy and remind them of this too, basically just reaffirming to them that they control their own destiny and have the ability to help themselves, too.

3. As with above, I find that literally getting out the in the sunshine helps revitalise you spiritually. Especially as the feminine lunar energy at the moment is so strong, balancing it out with the masculine solar energy too can help you to build up your energy levels again. Not to mention getting reconnected with the elements outside can help you to find your sense of self and grounding too.

4. Learn to say ‘no’. It is not that you are a horrible person and you think your time/money/guidance is superior – it’s more about you checking in with yourself first and asking if you really need to take it that on at this time. Here is a video post from Denise Duffield-Thomas who was the same as me and realised how she was doing herself an injustice by being a constant “yes” person.  I also trust now that by honouring what I want to actually do, will be sending out the right message to the universe to not keep attracting the same type of energies I have exposed myself to, and will help me to attract the right YES for me after gaining back that time I spent doing something I didn’t want to.

5. Practice self love and care. This goes hand in hand with the saying no thing, but it’s also about doing things for yourself as much as you help others. I did this just today when I was at the height of my spiritual low and treated myself to a coffee date and window shopping with my little boy. I walked away from finishing my projects, my phone, my blog post and just gifted myself with that time because it’s what I really needed.

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As usual, I’ve waffled on more than I should so thank you for making it to the end of this post!

I want to just say thanks to you for always being so supportive of me, and I hope that if you have experienced first hand ‘boundary setting’ with me this week that it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s just that I love me more and the only person who is going to get me out of this place right now is moi!

Love, light & boundaries

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What it means to be an empath

IFEELAmidst all the crazy business stuff going on with me since the new year I’ve neglected to share a couple of pretty profound things I have learnt and thought now would be a pretty great time to share!

This might end up being a long winded post (like the good old days!) so please bare with me!

Just before christmas, I was learning a lot about the different kinds of people there are out there (in a more spiritual sense). There are people called star seeds that come from other planets; indigos (also rainbow and crystal children) who are given special gifts at birth; healers; walk-ins; light workers… I mean, seriously. There is a whole other world out there! It’s all so fascinating (but something I will go into at another time!).

Anyway, I was in a forum with other people like this and I expressed my confusion about where I fit into all of these ‘types’ of humans. As you know, I’ve been embarking on a bit of a spiritual journey/transformation, I’m drawn to a lot of things – the earth, animals, the moon, the stars, plants, crystals, mandalas, sacred geometry…I mean, theres just so much going on, and from so many different sources. It’s hard to know where to start or what you connect with truly.

So I simply asked, where can I learn about all this stuff and see which one I am? Of course, the answer was not so simple (I wonder when I’m actually going to get the hint that I will never just be able to learn something from a book and me be that exact one thing and live happily ever after….). An interesting comment was then provided “Sarah, your name means princess and you expressed how you are interested or feel drawn to many different walks of life…. you are the princess of the multitude“. I thought “hell f*ing yeh I am!!!” See, there can be one name for me, after all!

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And here she is – All hale the princess of the multitude!

(DON’T WORRY – THAT PIC IS AN ABSOLUTE PISS-TAKE!)

So. here I am – Sarah, the princess of the multitude – Meaning, I’m bits and bobs of many types of energies and entities. I’m meant to just be the boss of many things! (aha! so thats why I call myself “the amateur of many!”…its all coming together, right?!).

Anyway, I thought that was cool enough. But then….. two days ago I was given a reading by another intuitive person about a situation/crossroads I found myself in. He said many things to me which were pretty spot on, but at the end he threw in “I also think your an empath”.

So, what did Sarah, the princess of the multitude do? She googled it. This is what I found.

Introducing, the key traits of Sarah Williams KEY TRAITS OF AN EMPATH

  • You have a ‘knowing’ – always seem to know answers to things you haven’t necessarily learnt
  • You get overwhelmed in public spaces
  • Feel the emotions of others and usually take them on – eg moods change depending on who you are around
  • Know when someones not being honest
  • Digestive disorders/lower back problems
  • Others confide in you; often unload their problems on you or seek your counsel
  • Constant fatigue – drained of energy when out socialising etc
  • Highly creative – express yourself through singing, dancing, drawing, writing
  • Deep rooted love for nature, animals – you feel that all plants and animals have a spirit or energy that you feel
  • Need for solitude
  • Gets bored or distracted if not stimulated – hates mundane tasks.
  • Always looking for answers and knowledge
  • Prone to carrying excess weight – usually as a way of protecting oneself from energy around you
  • Drawn to holistic therapies and healing
  • Excellent listener
  • Can appear moody/aloof/shy/detached/daydreamy

There are a load more…but, you get the idea.

Basically an empath is someone who takes on the energy of things/life around them. If you live with a depressed person, you often feel depressed too. If you hang out with someone with physical pain, you often feel sympathy pains for them, too. If your neighbours have domestics and they yell at their kids – you feel that anger and pain too and sadly might start emulating that. If you watch tv and something or someone is being abused/hurt/tortured – you feel physically sick. You feel that pain too.

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A great (recent) example of this in action for me was when my mum visited in November last year. She was experiencing a lot of pain in her right knee from her arthritis that she could barely walk. Around the same time, I started getting shooting pains in my right knee when I knelt down and stood back up. It was annoying and getting worse. I ended up booking in to see a chiropractor (which I had never needed before in my life) who told me why whole right side was out of alignment and she did some adjustments.

I originally blamed it on carrying around my son on my hip, but in hindsight, I’m sure it was my ’empath-ness’. She mentioned I would need on-going treatment to realign and for maintenance. I went to two appointments. After seeing mum, and I was back into my normal routine and home; the pain diminished significantly and then just disappeared. Yes, you could say that maybe the chiro session fixed the problem….but, well now that I think about it, this is just one in MANY circumstances recently where I have carried the same pains/issues/feelings of others.

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I must admit, I didn’t always feel all of these things. Some of them are only new to me in the last year or so, even more evident in the last few months. This is because I’ve become more conscious and spiritually aware of myself and others, so my ’empath-ness’ (yep, made that word up) has been vibrating on a new level.

So what does this all mean? Well, I’m not quite sure yet. But I am so glad to have a bit more clarity and understanding of why I am like I am, and that I need to embrace this gift more. It’s exciting for me to feel like I’m still learning more and more about myself each day; that my journey is no where near over. I love inspiring others on their own fifth element quests; but I equally love moving further into my own. It confirms to me that I’m authentic;  I’m conscious;  I’m alive and I’m doing all this because it still lights me up.

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So, anyone spring to mind when you read the list? Are you an empath, too? Would love for you to share any of your empath stories!

Love, light and empath-ness

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To anyone who has lost someone. A dedication to Jess Ainscough

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This post is dedicated to my dad Bruce, Jess’ mum Sharyn and all the beautiful souls who have now left their bodies and minds to rest.

Jess, I want to take this opportunity to give my thanks to you for being so brave, inspiring and courageous. To lose your mum is one thing, but to have it happen as a public figure, in the health and wellness industry is another. I want you to know that we all hear what isn’t being said. We, at the end of the day – all want what is best for ourselves, and our families. I have heard you speak your truth in person, and I felt your soul. I don’t see you as anything other than a woman living her truth. As was your mum, I’m positive. This blog post is for you because I just felt the need to share it with you. Deep down I felt you needed to read this message. So, here it is, for you, and anyone else who is struggling with a physical loss.

The end of October saw 5 years past the death of my father, Bruce.

I have blogged about this before and sorry to anyone who finds it hard (or annoying) to hear me write about him time and time again, but for anyone who has lost someone they love, you would understand that everyone grieves in different ways, and although each day is another day after their death, it doesn’t mean the loss goes further away, too.

Last month, I saw that Jess Ainscough publicly announced that she too has suffered a loss recently. Jess lost her dear mother to breast cancer.

The Big ‘c bomb’ is a hell of a dis-ease; and whilst majority of sufferers fight like hell to survive it, sometimes the bomb just detonates. It seems unfair, unwarranted and just plain unjustified some times. We have all been affected by it in some way, no?

On the 5th anniversary of my fathers death I wrote a Facebook status to him thanking him for my gift of life, but also thanking him for giving my brother and I the gift of awareness, to which he passed onto us as his soul left his body, unbeknownst to us at the time. It could be, that perhaps in hindsight, one of his purposes’ in life was to give us this gift.

It took me a while to accept this, but he knew he was going to die that day. He knew his soul was ready to move on. As hard as that is to acknowledge, I now know that he was ready to go, and had made peace with that fact, that day. He even told me he was….he actually said to me “i’m going to die”…. I just did the whole “don’t be stupid, your fine!” thing. I didn’t know how profoundly he was speaking, that day – that he knew his soul was ready to go.

A fortnight ago, I had (funnily enough) been reading a chapter in my favourite book ‘Conversations with God’ about death. It’s like the final piece of the puzzle for me, and now I feel I’m at complete peace with the lose of my dad and I want to share this with anyone who has lost someone they love. To tell you some things to help you feel more accepting of the circumstances around this loss.

I used to think I feared death, like most of us understandably would. After seeing it from this point of view, I feel more comforted believing that all of us die how our soul intends, and it is only the fact that modern medicine has taught us to fear it because it means you failed at healing, you failed at surviving or failed at living right – that we harbour such fear. This then feeds into our loved ones, who see dying as a massive disaster, sheer despair and disbelief. Great loss. What could we have done to help? Were we providing enough support? What if we had tried this or that method, would they still be here today? I have had these exact thoughts for years. Now I see it differently, and know that he went exactly the way his soul had intended. His body had served his souls purpose. Nothing was going to save him, because his soul didn’t need to be saved. ” Only to the soul is death a relief – a release”.

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Some excerpts from the book that I would love to share:

The greatest gift you can give the dying is to let them die in peace – not think they must “hang on” or continue to suffer. so this is very often what has happened in the case of the man who says he’s going to live, believe’s he’s going to live, even prays to live: that at the soul level, he has “changed his mind”. It is time now to drop the body to free the soul for other pursuits. When the soul makes this decision, nothing the body does can change it. Nothing the mind thinks can alter it. It is at the moment of death that we learn who, in the body-mind-soul triumvirate, is running things. All your life you think you are your body. Some of the time you think you are your mind. It is at the time of your death that you find out who you really are.

There are times when the body and mind are just not listening to the soul, this too creates the scenario of when seemingly healthy, fighting, strong people still pass on. The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul. It happens often that the soul makes a decision that it is time to leave the body. The body and the mind (servants to the soul) – hear this, and the process of extrication begins. Yet the mind (ego) doesn’t want to accept. after all, this is the end of its existence. So it instructs the body to resist death. This the body does gladly, since it too does not want to die. The body and mind (ego) receive great encouragement, great praise from the outside world – the world of its creation. So the strategy is confirmed. 

At this point, everything depends on how badly the soul wants to leave. If there is no great urgency here, the soul may say “Alright, you win. I’ll stick around with you a little longer”. But if the soul is very clear that staying does not serve its higher agenda – that there is no further way it can evolve through this body – the soul is going to leave, and nothing will stop it – nor should anything try to.

The soul is very clear that its purpose is evolution. That is its sole purpose, and soul purpose. It is not concerned with the achievements of the body or the development of the mind, these are meaningless to the soul. The soul is also clear that there is no great tragedy involved in leaving the body, in many ways, the tragedy is being in the body. 

Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations with God.

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I now see that each of us – within our souls – already know when our time will be up. We all leave our bodies behind at exactly the right time. I know that is a really hard concept to grasp. I’m still trying to grasp it myself. It’s a huge topic of discussion, but this has helped me to understand why things happen, terrible, devastating, awful things. It also helps the ones who are “left behind” to feel more at peace, which in turn helps them to heal and continue their own souls purpose.

My dads soul has taught me to connect with mine, to listen, to understand and to ask those crazy questions. My dad’s soul left his body because it no longer served him in this life. It learnt what it needed, achieved what it wanted and learnt all it needed to know. It’s now moved onto the next, and I for one am so excited for my dads next soul adventure!

Ever since he passed, I’ve noticed a particular bird species – the Willie Wagtail around me all the time. They have followed me from Sydney, to Brisbane and now Townsville. I don’t know why, but since dad passed over I always thought as soon as I saw one that they remind me of him. Their is usually only one or two, and they wave their little tails around at me, dancing around in the grass or low in the bushes – as if to say ‘ hi darling! I’m having such fun again’ they are cheeky, extroverted and always put a smile on my face. I feel this is my dads spirit having a dance, having a laugh and seeing the cheer again, and helping me to remember to always do the same. He was always such a boisterous man, he had an infectious laugh. I mean, look at this fella? doesn’t he just look like such a character?!

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I stumbled upon another blog post that the True Activist Facebook page posted about a palliative nurses’ reflection on the 5 most common regrets the people in her care had told her. I would like to share this, because I feel it works well back into my above story, regarding how at the end, we all truly know what we want, we know our spirit, its just that a lot of us don’t listen, because we do everything for everyone else, first. The top 5 comments made were:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

You can find the full article here.

These have really hit home to me. Right now, I’m in my late 20’s – I have so much life to look forward to. I feel a sense of comfort in knowing I will not have these same regrets that these beautiful soul’s did on their final days in their physical bodies. I thank them for giving us the gift of being able to connect with our inner most desires, NOW. TODAY. We all have this precious gift, we just have to listen, and then live it.

I’m sure if my dad was here today (and Jess’ mum too) that they would tell us that we are both exactly where we need to be, and that we will always be ok. After all, we have some pretty amazing angels watching over us now.

To anyone who has lost someone, I hope this has helped you the way it helped me. And maybe, JUST maybe this was a message from them to you that you were waiting to receive.

Love, light & soul journeys,

Sarah xox

The little hater in all of us

The lessons are coming thick and fast. After acknowledging and dealing with my social media addiction, forgiving myself for being selfish and for giving myself a pat on the back for continuing to ‘put myself out there’ – has seen the universe giving me my ultimate test before I become the official ‘me’ in my launch next month.

Over the last few weeks, as previously written, I had been sending myself self sabotage messages. What if no one gets it? What if no one likes me? What if they think I’m a phoney etc etc. along side this negative  inner dialog, I had also been asking for the universe to send me my first hater. I had constant thoughts about someone commenting something negative on one of my blog posts, on my Instagram or Facebook page. I wasn’t sure when the day would come when I would check my phone and see someone questioning my authenticity, my beliefs or anything in between. That one person who vocalises what I fear the most. The first one to criticise the ‘new’ me. Not behind my back, which I’m sure goes on, but to me directly – so I have to face my fear. I have seen these haters all around me, I have watched small businesses grow, and have watched their pool of followers turn from die hard supporters to then attracting a growing group of haters or trolls. It’s part and parcel of the keyboard warrior world we currently live in. Even the most influential, amazingly inspiring people still get haters. And let me tell you, that hater usually says a lot more about them than the target themselves, that’s pretty obvious. But what if I were to spin that theory on its head, and say – perhaps the target should take equal ownership of whatever is sent their way, good or bad? We attract what we fear.

 Well. Ask and you shall recieve, right?!

  

Now, before I go into breaking this one down, I will give you a bit of background as to this message from this man I have dubbed as my ‘shadow angel Graeme’ – I don’t know this person, he does not know me. I have never spoken to him in my life. This was his very first (and last) contact with me. Turns out, he is (very) extended family to me, but that’s irrelevant. A beautiful family member of mine shared my blog with her loved ones, and I am extremely grateful that she did. She has given my shadow self a chance to send me one final test before I take on my new chapter 100%. I guess I have to make sure I’m prepared, I’m authentic and that I want this bad enough, right?

 I must admit, if Graeme had have said this to me a few years ago, I certainly would not have reacted the way I have now. Yes, initially my thoughts were ‘ who the hell is this guy?!? Who do you think you are!!!’ But within seconds I consciously decided to truly listen. Back in the day I would probably have internet stalked him, made all sorts of horrible judgements about him, and most likely taken his bait and gone to town on it, turning it into a full blown internet sword fight right on my public forum for everyone to watch and eat popcorn to. But, as I have learnt, we must always pick our battles, and this one, well, this was no public battle. This one may as well been typed by my own hands. After all, he, is a type of shadow friend in my life. He has exposed my weakness to myself, although now I can safely say I don’t feel is as weak as I had believed. This was just one last internal battle I had to hash out with myself, once and for all.

 My shadow angel Graeme has jested that I simply must be joking, how can anyone speak the way I do, about life, about spirituality, about whatever else I choose??!!  How dare I choose to step out of the box, take a different path, question what I have been led to believe all those years? Surely it’s all crap???Surely, anyone who questions the norm, finds messages in the mundain must be crazy? Or worse, making it up?!! Check mate, shadow self. Check mate. I see what you did there. I see your last ditch attempt to stop me short of living my dreams. Of letting my fear get the better of me. I see you as a representation of all those people who are too scared to listen to their own spirit, the one who screams to be heard amongst a sea of other screaming souls. I see you as the big corporations, pounding lie after lie deep down into our skulls until we are numb to the pain, I see you for what you truly are – the greed, the control, the deceit, the bullying, the one who has no light to shine. I see you, I acknowledge you, and I thank you. I am grateful for this lesson. I am glad you gave me a chance to deal with this fear, now. What a perfectly timed gift, as usual.

 And when given a chance to explain yourself, shadow self – you retreat to a childish retaliation of ‘get real’. You see, shadow self, this was the confirmation I needed to know I truly am doing something right. You have come to me with no new information, no new constructive critism to take on board. No light to expose anything new, or different. You have told me to ‘get real’ – and I ask, what is real? Surely every single individual life form on this planet, has their own version of what real is, therefore, how on earth could I know how to get anyone else’s kind of ‘realness’? And further more, why would I want anyone else’s ‘realness’? I have created my own reality. This IS my real. It is different to everyone else’s, we are all unique. That is what makes life so special. I do see now that my shadow self/former self was far too hung up on what she thought was meant to be a socially acceptable real. The one where everyone makes life decisions based on what other people would like to see you do, or what would make you seem to fit in more.

 It is sad that my shadow self felt it needed to make a last ditch attempt at sucking me back into a place where I don’t feel individual, where I felt I was just another number. Just another rat in the race. I do understand why I was given this message, though. It has confirmed to me my passion for finding and speaking my own truth. I have realised that Graeme – or as I can now see reads more like ‘Grae ME’ aka ‘grey me’ is the me that is scared, the me that lives in the grey area of life – the me that isn’t clear headed, that lived in the fog all those years. Thankfully, I have chosen my life in full colour now, one where my eyes see everything clearly, and my intuition now shines a bright light upon the messages I need to see. I don’t even wear my glasses anymore! I haven’t worn them in weeks and I don’t know why. I’m sure my eye sight hasn’t changed, (according to an optometrist) but something inside me just said ‘ditch the specs, four eyes’ and I just did. So you see (pun intended), I’ve created my new reality. Yes, there will always be grey areas in life, but that’s the mystery to unfold. As long as I continue to come out of the grey and back onto my rainbow, riding a freakin’ unicorn, I’ll be ok.

 FYI I did get real. I’m so real right now that my life is unreal. My relationships are all where I want them to be, I fall more in love with my beautiful child more and more each day, I’m really happy with my body weight and overall health, my lifestyle and diet choices are going from strength tostrength, I don’t wake up of a morning and instantly think negative thoughts about my day (which I always used to do when I worked full time in fashion) – so yes, absolutely – that’s not real at all, grey me, that is bloody unreal! I don’t care if anyone thinks my words are all a big load of bullshit – at least I’m taking the time to get to know my real self, and to shape a new reality that I can look back on one day and be proud and say that I truly made a difference where it counted, that I changed lives, that I lived my truth and that I had a life full of happiness, and I lived on my terms only. I would much rather sit pretty on this load of crap, than the one I previously compiled from everyone else’s reality – and man; that was a steaming load of crap indeed!

So, as ‘grey me’ has helped me to question – what is real? How do you get it? What makes up your reality? Is it a reflection of the real you? Or is it more a reality from someone else that doesn’t nessissarily reflect the real you, inside? Looking back; I know now that the life I had before I had my son was not the reality I would have chosen for myself, had I listened to my spirit sooner… But it was important that I did everything I did, in order to be in the place I am, mind/body/soul right now.

When you live one reality, but dream of another – you are not real-ly you. Taking the time to piece together what it was that I really wanted in my reality (real-i-ty aka tie myself to what’s real) saved me. So what if my reality is that I blog about listening to little voices, that I value harmony more than drama, I no longer want to be judgemental or bitter, my family will always come first or that I believe in self care and the power of the human mind, body and soul and not the man in a white coat with the scalpel. Does that mean you have to believe those things too, in order to be real?! Hell no! But I do believe that if you know one thing to be true and right for you, but you don’t listen and you just dumb yourself down in order to please others, than you lose. Every time. I choose to just do me. To win at being me. That’s the most real I can get.

 Love, light and gratitude to grey me,

 Sarah xox

10 things you don’t know about me, and why I can’t put my phone down….

Hello my gorgeous readers. I’m in a particularly chipper mood this evening, so lets keep this flow happening, shall we?
In true Sarah form, I came up with another idea this week, which I think will be a BIG task – but one I think will change the world. Yep, I said it. I believe in this idea SO MUCH that I think its going to be much bigger than anything I have ever thought up before….yet its so so simple, cheap and universal! Now I hate people who wave the carrot like that (its called ‘VAGUEBOOKING’ on Facebook – we all know those people “OMG I just heard the best news! I can’t wait until I’m allowed to share it!” there is always one, isn’t there?!?!) I am very sorry for mentioning it, but I guess I just love that my life is so full of creativity, ideas, inventions and fluidity and I am grateful to be able to walk a path now that allows for me to follow through with and nurture these ideas. I’m in a really good place and feel like things really are looking up, up and up forever more. Just keep this seed planted in your mind for a little while and know that I’m going to knock your socks off one day with this amazing ‘thing’, so just expect it, ok?!
I recently had a convo with a soul sister, and we were discussing life, friends and relationships. We were just commenting on how relationships with people change as we get older, and how it effects us. I made a comment that I have known alot of people for a really long time in our circle of friends, yet I don’t REALLY know them. I’m talking people who I would socialise with most weekends, for years and years (some of them I have known for 10+ years). These ‘friends’ I would have a drink with, smoke a cigarette with, have a dance with or talk drunk shit with time and time again, even have personal jokes with, but I really have no idea who they actually are. While I’m at it, I must note they don’t really know who I am either.
How did it get like this? I know this whole “anti-social media” thing is going on, where we are all discussing just how dis-connected we are from reality and are losing all concept of how to actually communicate with REAL people in REAL life, and I do think their is merit, and I do think its partially right, but I think this has been going on well before social media took hold of our hand-held lives…I think we might be a little big quick to blame it for ruining our social skills, but I honestly don’t think we had very good ones to start with? Infact, the online relationships I have now are at a point where I do consider these people on a higher friendship level than I would with the ones from my real one? Is that sad? or maybe just a reality we face in this tech-obsessed world we live in?
As I was saying, I have known people for over 10 years, but wouldn’t even know what really makes them tick. Sure, I might know their brother or sisters name, I might know what they do for a living (although some people I know would probably still ask me how hairdressing is going) and know where they live – but thats all I have to show for 10 years? Hell, good old facey-B could have taught me those things in 5 minutes of creeping, and would save me the bother of deciding over those 10 years whether they were really going to make it onto my wedding invite list or not….).
Maybe social media outlets like facebook and instagram are helping us to broaden our friendship groups and find others we truly connect with, much more than current life allows us to find. Perhaps I could even go as far to say that as these platforms develop, it shapes our society in such a way that we now have much more opportunity in terms of finding a wider range of friendships, interests and knowledge. There are no excuses for being naive, narrow minded or backwards, there is far too much information being circulated right now that we are no longer restricted in anyway… Surely that’s a good thing? Of course, on the other side is the coin are the negatives – bullying, false information and anti-social behaviour, but I think for the majority – we just want to be ourselves. We crave the connection with others. We want to follow leads and maybe have a bit of a giggle in between.
There’s no denying that I spend alot of my time on social media, but as I have to keep defending to my loved ones – I’m not just sitting there spying on people (much), I’m not watching many videos of goats dubbed over the new Justin Beiber track (much) I’m actually developing relationships, like I would like to in my everyday life. Since becoming a stay at home mum, my social scene consists of myself and my infant, and my dog for the whole day. When I do get a phone call, my son finds it so interesting that he has to have the phone, eat it and take it away to play with, while I’m on it… when I talk, he demands my attention, he wants IN on EVERYTHING. Needless to say, real phone convo’s are few and far between these days. When my partner gets home from work, theres the daily updates, maybe a family walk or not, throw in showers, dinner and cleaning and some quiet time before bed and the cycle repeats. So how on earth am I able to interact with lots of different people to keep my mind stimulated, learning, engaged and properly vented? this is why social media is so important to people like me. I enjoy being on my own, but I also crave the silly banter, the over analysis, the learning, the connection and the venting. On these platforms, I am able to do all of this, and tick all the boxes without feeling completely exhausted like I would have at a real life social gathering of friends.
I have such an amazing online community around me, one that knows alot more about me than alot of my friends and long-term acquaintances. I can ask them questions about things that are so not of the interests of my regular social circle, I can share stories, heart aches, triumphs of everyday life which are relevant to the circle at hand. What do I mean? for example, I’m into health and wellness, juice fasting etc – so – I’m a member of a juice fasting community group and we all talk about it and learn from one another. In no way would I have found these people by hitting the social scene in real life. Same can be said for parenting, entrepreneurs, breastfeeding, business development, healthy cooking, animal symbolism, spiritual guidance (the list goes on) – I don’t think that being on social media for these purposes are doing me any harm, if anything, I’m learning or growing faster, getting information more efficiently which allows for me to truly engage when I am physically spending time with friends and family, and makes me appreciate them and make the most of that time more. We can talk about things relevant to our relationship, and for it to not be yawn worthy if I talk about a new vegan paleo recipe I found and follow with a photo display of said dish… I can leave that for the onliners.
Conveniently, my 10 year high school reunion is this weekend. Out of a grade of around 150 young ladies, I think only 1/3 of them will be (hopefully) attending. It’s a sad reflection of this whole social media world, and I’m sure it’s the excuse for alot of people who feel that they have no need to catch up with any long lost friends because you already know everything there is to know about them from their online accounts. Yes, I agree. I think the reunion is a dieing event. However, I feel like I need to go so that I still get to put my social skills into practice. I can still get dressed up with my girlfriends, feel those real life butterflies, worry about whether I will forget someone’s name or embarrass myself on the dance floor. I can still feel that awkward silence, see those fake smiles or those judgemental stares… But you know what – I want those things! They make you feel alive! I want to prove to myself that I am more than just an online profile. I don’t want to miss out on any genuine re-connections. I loved high school, I love my life. I have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I don’t have a paying job, I don’t have alot of on paper smarts – but that doesn’t make me any less successful compared to the doctors, lawyers or the world travellers or the athletes. I am living my life the way I designed it, why not celebrate those last 10 years of discovery and growth together? I may have spent the last 10 years just searching, but they certainly haven’t been a waste – they have shaped who I am today, and I am proud of that.
I’ve noticed a bit of a ‘trend’ on Instagram where you share what your doing with your followers, or little challenges about what your wearing, what your favourite colour is and whatever else the new thing is… So I’m going to join in and in celebration for the 10 years out of high school, here’s
10 things you may not know about me (Aka I haven’t put on social media) *note this was hard because I have blogged about alot of things too so I’ve tried to not include those.
1. I have grey hairs on my head (my dad went completely grey in his 20’s)
 
2. I have really small chubby hands and are my least favourite part of my body 
 
3. I haven’t had a commercial soft drink since April this year 
 
4. I have had over 2000 views of my little blog so far (thats exciting to me, perhaps not great compared to others, but I am proud)
 
5. I sometimes put salt on my apples
 
6. I still have a dream of being a hip hop dancer (and haven’t completely given up on it!)
 
7. I have a secret YouTube video with over 4000 views (whoops, not so secret now…)
 
8. I am planning on settling to live on the Sunshine Coast in the next few years, and hopefully will stay there for good!
 
9. I have never tried/done any illicit drugs (apart from marijuana)
 
10. Out of the 5 different tafe and uni courses and degrees I have started, only 1 was ever completed.
I hope that has taken a bit of the edge off the big pink elephant in the room at the reunion this weekend, and look foward to re-connecting with some real life people! Maybe our ice breaking question can be “what don’t I know about you now!”…. get your answers ready ladies! might spark some interesting convo’s :)

 

Love, light and 10 years of searching,
Sarah xox

Chasing that innocent bliss

As I have previously written, I’ve made alot of changes in my life over the last few years – the catalyst being the sudden death of my father in 2008. The more I have learnt, the more changes I have made – to my physical life, mental state and spiritual energy. Improvement after improvement has seen me grow more and more and become who I am today. I am proud of myself and my achievements, but there is just something still going on that hasn’t allowed for me to completely let go and to be 100% happy, I don’t get that “bliss” feeling nearly as much as I think I should be. I know its very hard to be 100% happy (and note when I just wrote that 100% I accidentally wrote $100!! hmmm…thats definitely a sign, and another story! ha!) – there is always something we want to change/do/become in order to find our bliss  – but personally, I just don’t think its real. I don’t think happiness is a place, certainly not a place to stay. This is the trap I have found myself in, always striving to make changes so I can be happy. What I am finally wrapping my head around though, is that happiness is not a destination – it’s just a fleeting feeling in that moment, much like all the others.
Don’t get me wrong, I am far from depressed. I’m comfortable in my own skin. I have so much to be grateful for, and I am. I may not show my gratefulness all the time, but I truly am blessed and I know it. The problem is that when I reflect on my past, I was “happy” then too…just a different kind of happy. I had an ignorant happiness. I felt more carefree, relaxed and had more stereotypical fun, didn’t take life too seriously. I wasn’t as wild as some of my peers, but I was my own version of wild. Its true, perhaps it comes with “growing up” that the fun changes, or that as you grow as a person, you grow out of your old self…. but I must admit, at times I do miss her, I miss the ignorant life a little. It’s a little selfish, I know. Although I don’t quite think thats the right way to put it….
Since making alot of the positive changes I have increased my knowledge and understanding of more world issues, as well as made alot of personal development – but with all that, I have found there are some negitives to knowing the things I do. The more I learn, the more I know about certain subjects – parenthood, diet, climate change, animal welfare, spirituality….the more I learn, the harder it is to go back to that time when I knew much less, but was that kind of happy, an ignorant happy. The stuff I have now seen, I cannot un-see. Yes, its made me stronger. No I would never want to not be the person I am today, but man…..does it make life more challenging at times!
The old saying “Ignorance is bliss” has literally been dancing around in my head for a few months….it pops in and out of my consciousness as if it were wanting me to address it. So here I am! Now, I don’t particularly like the saying, but its extremely relevant in my life right now. The saying can be used as a way of people to remain being kept in the dark about certain things, and that not knowing something is a better place to be. An excuse of sorts. I agree, it probably is in some instances. The love of your life is cheating on you, and you don’t know (or don’t want to know); The red meat consumed multiple times a day by some people is causing their body more harm than good, but a high protein diet is ‘good for you’ so its not given a further thought. Ignorance IS a kind of bliss, but it still means you don’t know and don’t choose to know – which is something I find really hard to grasp. Why doesn’t anyone WANT to know? Being ignorant means to have a lack of knowledge or awareness; to be uneducated or unlearned – why do so many choose to lead their lives this way? I am finding it harder and harder to sympathise with people who decide to live their lives in complete darkness. Punch in and out of work they hate, waste their money on detrimental substances and services and then pass this same un-educated blind lifestyle onto their own children. I know I shouldn’t dwell on how others live their lives, it is their journey, that is their truth – but I just wish we could all evolve a little quicker, they are lagging behind!
I am a self-confessed “know it all” or “knower”…. I know a little about alot. I always want to know more. I am always wanting to stretch my knowledge in many different aspects, always asking questions or researching something until I know enough that I have made my mind up about it and can then move on. With that, comes an ever growing conscious – one that is tested much more than it once was. Now that I know more, I feel a bigger sense of responsibility, like I am carrying the worlds problems on my shoulders at times. Burdened by the reality of our existence, heavy right? I feel immense guilt if I dwell too long in the supermarket, staring at the wall after wall of processed health-ruining food-like substances, the government do nothing, the advertises do nothing, the doctors do nothing – they all keep the population from taking their blinkers off from seeing the world the way it truly is. When I see people with trollies full of meat, dairy, soft drink and junk food, I cannot help but feel for them, their families and sink deeper into a headspace of utter grief and despair. I want to do so much, I feel a huge sense of responsibility as a human on this planet. The earth is our home. I feel a huge sense of duty to speak for the ones who cannot speak, to speak my truth as I know it. I have made a lot of changes, some of which I don’t like, for the greater good. For the big picture. YES, sometimes I do want to eat a piece of salmon, or smoke a cigarette – but I won’t because then all this work I have done will be jeopardised, and nothing is more important to me than my journey, and the positive impact it has on our beautiful planet. I want my children to be proud of me, and this place, and to not feel the way I do, or even see what I have. The thing I don’t understand, is why doesn’t everyone feel this way? Will a time come when everyone stops and sees that nothing is more important? not their greed, tastes, desires or lifestyle?
Speaking of children, again, since I have learnt much more about parenting, parenthood and raising children – I am constantly tested and reminded just of this old “happy” me who used to work in a childcare centre, warming bottles of formula for the babies and toddlers in my care, putting them to sleep in their cots or beds and playing with them on the playground. Back then, I had absolutely NO knowledge about the types of parenting, about children’s diets or anything much at all! I had no idea what kind of parent I would be either. It did not phase me to raise my voice at these little innocent beings, feed them their un-nutritious foods or to punish them when they were being “naughty”. Now, I am embarrassed for myself. THAT kind of ignorance may have been bliss for me, I enjoyed my workdays and got so much out of working with children…..but what gets me now is the consequences of my ignorance. Have any of the children in my care been negatively affected by my interactions with them in their early development? Could I have done more to be a positive parent-like role model for these beautiful little people? If I had known what I do now, could I have changed their lives for the better? all of these answers I will never know.
Ignorance is bliss…. for the ignorant.  thats what the saying should be changed to. The lack of knowledge keeps the knowledge keeper in a “happy” place, but what are the consequences of this selfish act? If you choose to be ignorant, you are selfish. You are saying to the universe that its ok to live a lie, to ignore your intuition, that anyone can take advantage of you and your precious gift of life and that its ok to live at the lower spectrum of evolution. You are teaching your children that its ok for someone else to tell you how to live your life, to settle for less. The ripple effect can be catastrophic. So many others are effected by our selfish actions, sometimes we just don’t see it until we have to finally face the consequences. Knowledge is power, knowledge is the key to us ever evolving.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that this big, daunting word “HAPPY” needs to be taken less seriously. Let it come, let it go. I have found that new things make me happy now, and they are a far cry from past happy feelings….like going to the health food store and finding a new vegan dessert, designing a really cool logo, watching an awesome doco on juice fasting or watching my son giggle at his daddy reads him his favourite book. They are my new “bliss” feelings. They all take me to my happy place.
In reflection, perhaps its truly the INNOCENCE I miss, not the IGNORANCE. I miss that blissfully unaware feeling I had when I would down 10 rum and cokes and chain smoke all night long, but that was me being ignorant and their are consequences to those actions. The school dances where we could dress in theme and dance the night away with our friends….that is the stuff I miss, the innocence. I have to accept that those days are past, but new ones are coming and will always continue to. My son’s own innocence is already helping to teach me to stop taking on so much of the world’s issues, and to live in the moment, with him, my world. By acknowledging the feeling that innocent bliss gives me, I am showing others what the true happiness is; and perhaps that is all I can be doing now to help inspire others to ditch their ignorant blisses and to find it in the more uncorrupted, pure form of the word. To laugh at the little things, to let go and feel those innocent feelings again, with, and through my son. Then perhaps those other uneducated choices might begin to seem less important. Here’s hoping :)
Right, thats enough rambling for today. I’m off to jump through the sprinkler or something.
Love, light and bliss
Sarah xox

Soul sisters from other misters

This one is dedicated to my soul sisters.

For years we search for friends who reflect who we are and who we want to be, we spend more years developing those friendships into full blown relationships – we kiss, we fight, we make up, we back stab, we joke, we cry and we help each other at every cross road. Friendships are so imperative in life, yet we do often take them for granted. We also mix them up and try and make them things they simply are not. We sometimes can’t let go, which in turn keeps holding us back from finding new friends who help to further nurture our souls and help us on our never ending quest for growth.

As I reflect on my many friendships with many different souls over the last 20 odd years…. It’s only really dawning on me now just how precious these friendships were and still are. Not only that, but just how amazing and powerful we are at manifesting the right friendships at the right time. Yep, even the bad ones!
 I’ve been doing some research on my animal totem interests – and in the spirit animal world, Evidently there are really 3 different types of spirit animals/ totem animals. To my understanding and interpretation, this is how it works:
1. The power animal – the one who follows you throughout your entire life. Is a reflection of your own negative and positive sides. The animal who represents you, who walks beside you in the spirit realm. Think of Harry Potter or the Compass movies – the main characters all have an animal who represents them in animal form, it is their soul mate.They are Kindred spirits. Family.
2. The totem animals – these animals are the ones who come and go throughout life, helping you to learn lessons, deal with particular situations in life and then move on. They are like guardian angels, they know when to be there at the right place and right time. The animals that cross your paths – in your dreams, in real life. It’s the butterfly that lands on your hand, the snake that is laying across your walking path or the owl nesting in your favourite backyard tree. They all have a message, once it has been received, their job is done.
3. The shadow animal – these are the animals you fear, the ones who you don’t understand, are afraid of or simply freak you out, upset and frighten you. They too have lessons to teach, yet often we let the fear supersede them which doesn’t allow for us to acknowledge their true message, and thus they tend to linger around in life, much longer than we would want them to. They represent our own fears, the negative stuff that hides in the shadows of your spirit.
 These are my current guides…
Now, if you were to replace the word ‘animal’ in those last 3 options with people, then I believe you can also apply this same principle to all people you have in your life, too.
1. The power people – your familia, your soul sisters. The ones that will grow old with you. You perform the dance of life together, hand in hand. For most there may only one be of these, could be a family member as well, for they also know every aspect of you and your life and have no intentions of moving on. For me, however, I’m blessed with more than one – I believe my own soul didn’t want to choose and needs access to multiple soul sisters to help me become a more diverse person (greedy, I know!).
2. The totem people – the great friendships that offer you more of a shorter term relationship, yet can be ever consuming at times of need. These friendships can last minutes, days, months or years. They are beautiful, powerful forces that lead you to another in hopes to find support, love, hope, company, guidance at different points in life. For instance, since having my baby boy, I have found a handful of totem/spirit friendships that I would never have had prior to becoming a mum. Perhaps we might all move on once our babes are all grown up and we all go our separate ways, but the beauty of it is that with these relationships, that is ok. It’s ok to let go, to grow apart and to move on – for it was only meant to be, what it is or was.
3. The shadow people – this is where it gets complicated. The people in your life who you see as poison, depressing, draining, hard work, scary, annoying, intimidating etc the ones you hate to love or love to hate – they really are a type of friend. They are showing you something about yourself, a teacher of sorts. They test you, time and time again to see if you are either going to take the bait and let your fear get in the way, or if you will truly see what it is they are showing you. Only when you understand their lesson, will they no longer play this same role in your life (thankfully!).
No friendships are the same, nor is any more important than the others. We all need one another for one (or more) of the above reasons. As individuals, I believe we are also all 3 of those types of people, to others. I am a soul sister to some, yet a shadow person to others. Once upon a time, if I was told that, I would have perhaps tried harder to be more of a power person than a shadow person, how on earth could anyone find me scary? I would have fought harder to prove to others just what I THOUGHT I should be to them, but now in hindsight, it simply doesn’t work that way. The role I play in others lives, really isn’t any of my business. It is what it is; I am what I am. I love that everyone is so different, and that every relationship brings out the best and worst in me. Relationships and friendships are imperative to personal development.
The only thing that makes sense is that I know most of who my 3 groups are, and to always be available to receive their blessings, even when disguised.  From simply studying yet another spiritual based philosophy that I truly believe in, it has helped to unlock an amazing insight into my friendships with others, I feel it really makes so much sense now that I have typed it out. When I think to all my past relationships, I can definitely see now who mine are and what it truly is that we are sharing together. Once you can categorise the relationships in your life, it really will help you to see things clearer. Just like cleaning up your desktop. Those 3 different folders hold all the answers you need. Let go of the totem friends you have outgrown, embrace the new ones and acknowledge that your power people have totem people, and don’t ever be threatened by those relationships. They won’t ever replace you in your power position. Reflect harder on the shadow people, what is it that they are trying to say to you? Are they a reflection of one of your own traits to which you might want to perhaps work on to better yourself? Or are they simply teaching you patience or to be more understanding or compassionate? The harder you look in the shadows, the clearer the picture becomes – and then comes on the light!
Love, light and shadows
Sarah xox

To me, love from me.

This week I have felt considerably more ‘weak’ emotionally. Could possibly be the fact that I’ve spent over 3 weeks (minus a weekend visit) on my own raising our son in a new town, been unpacking and trying to set up our house on my own, cook, clean, look after a sick dog, we have had no Internet connection for a month and only got it set up today (happy dance) and I’m just a little bit over it all, really. Mumma needs a break. *cue violins*

I have been left alone with my own company for far too long, and I’m well and truly over listening to the crap that streams through my head every moment, of every day. The last few days I have noticed alot more negative internal dialog going on. I don’t usually have much, but when I do, I can be a real bitch to myself. Too much ‘me’ time has led me to hosting my own little pity party up in here… No body loves me, no body is talking to me, no body cares how I am, no body cares about what I do for them, blah blah blah. Then it’s – get over yourself, your not better than anyone else, you are getting no where, your a fraud etc etc. really horrible stuff, right? I don’t particularly dwell on the words, they just pass through at moments of weakness. It’s like my aura is a bit damaged from a few less than desirable situations occurring, so the negative energy knows when to strike. Like a bird of prey. Self sabotage is a bitch. It’s something we all deal with, we are our own biggest critics. You think you look fat, when others think you are glowing and wow your hair style really suits you. It’s alot easier to truly ‘hear’ the negatives than to hear the positives. We all get compliments all the time, but they are never enough. Why? Because you don’t believe them yourself. If your internal dialog is negative, that’s all you pick up – like attracts like, or in this case, dislike.

So I’ve decided to take a stand before I manifest a migraine or a burnt hand or a fight with a loved one. I’ve written myself a letter of love. If I have felt unappreciated, unloved then yes, that’s what I am I guess. So I’m going to change it myself, I can’t expect others to do that for me, to help me to flip the script on my internal dialog and bring back the love. I’m my own biggest fan, after all. Love will attract love, so I’m positive that this self indulgent task might infact bring some more love into my life…here’s hoping!
I’m going to share it with you so it’s out there – I’m not going to be modest and coy, I’m just going to put the love for myself out there.
Dear Sarah,
 
I want you to know just how truly amazing you are. I’ve watch you blossom from a social little chameleon to a fully aware, inspiring and powerful woman and mother wolf. Your abilities to adapt in environments that others would never survive, is a remarkable trait which also showcases your true souls purpose. Something you yourself would never have thought you could ever handle, yet you have far exceeded your own expectations on all levels.
 
Even though you sometimes feel lost, overwhelmed or unloved, always know that you have so much love around you, you must always remember to actually see it. This love will always show you the way. Your white light shines bright over your path, trust that it will always guide you in the right direction.
 
I ask that you please slow down, breath and enjoy the life you have created. You have a beautiful son who worships you, a family who will always be there for you and loves you unconditionally, a partner who loves and supports everything you do and a network of amazing friends and beyond who need you in their lives, for you are what helps to make them whole, as they do for you.
 
Take the time to celebrate what you have achieved and always remember the best is yet to come. You are an inspiring soul, beautiful inside and out and loved by all who take the time to understand you. 
 
Thank you for always wanting to improve your life and the lives of others, thank you for the time and energy you spend in working towards the things you truly believe in, thank you for providing such a nurturing, natural and positive environment in which your children can grow. Thank you for sacrificing your time and energy and abilities to earn an income in order to raise another beautiful soul like your own.
 
Continue to share your love and passion and only love and passion will follow. Everything you do comes straight from the heart, which is something I really admire in you. Keep on sowing your seeds, and watch your beautiful harvest flourish. Your abilities to learn, grow and move forward from both negative and positive situations and always remain grounded is beautiful gift. Cherish it.
 
You are doing an amazing job and I am extremely proud of you. If it wasn’t for you, a lot of people wouldn’t exist in the way that they do now.
 
Your biggest fan,
Sarah xox
So there. It’s out there. I’m loving myself sick. So what.
I feel better already!
Feeling unloved and a bit down? Maybe it’s time you did the same for yourself? You might get some more love back in return… AND you don’t have to blog about it, it’s your own little secret 😉
Love, light and letters
Sarah xox